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Cerberus Daily News - September 2010

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Cerberus Daily News delivers daily news about the Mass Effect universe via the Cerberus Network. In universe, these news reports take place in 2185 CE. They are not given with headlines, but ones are provided here for easier navigation.

The following is an Archive of Cerberus Daily News reports from September of 2010. This archive is preceded by Cerberus Daily News - August 2010, and followed by Cerberus Daily News - October 2010.

September 2010 - Week OneEdit

09/01/2010 - Best-Selling E-Book Discusses the Downside of First Contact

“The new e-book "First Contact: Who Needs It?" by author Kurt Riven has zoomed to the top of this week's best-seller list. In the book, the counterculture icon argues that contact between extraterrestrial species is inherently a bad idea. Riven writes, "Aside from the inevitable wars, jingoism, and disease that always follow first contact, there's a more insidious problem: the homogenization of culture, of thought, of ideas themselves. As soon as I see how your ship works, I don't need to figure it out myself. I'll copy yours and whatever hope we had for something new evaporates. Maybe mine's a different shape, but so what? The same problem exists on a galactic scale, where all major species are busy duplicating each other's ideas. It would have been better if they never met." Ironically, in light of the book's success, many copycat books are already popping up across the extranet.”

09/02/2010 - Spectacle Abounds at the Galactic Video Music Awards

“The Galactic Video Music Awards kicked off tonight with dazzling numbers from Eff Tee El, Bootyherax, and Blue Giants. In what will undoubtedly be called the entrance of the year, Eff donned a cowboy hat and reinforced codpiece to ride a low-powered biotic singularity onstage. As for the awards, Best New Artist went to Domino Masque, Best Choreography went to Skinsuit's "Mix It," and the coveted Video of the Year went to Varrencage for their anthem "Let It Up, Let It Out." A moment of silence for deceased singer Lady Sweat preceded her band's performance of "Where You Gone?" with the soulful vocals provided by VI-vian Wonder. But the most memorable antic of the night was dubbed the "Quarian Kiss": Lita'Orn nar Idenna stripped off her mask when she won Best VI-Directed Video and gave presenter Illesa T'Nasty a big wet kiss. Lita's representatives say she is expected to make a full recovery.”

09/03/2010 - Newlywed Aish Ashland Returns to Earth Newly-Divorced

“After a week-long honeymoon on Illium, Aish Ashland is returning home -- as a free woman. Sources say that during the flight back to Earth, this newly-divorced newlywed discovered her ex-husband Jenellen Lepp in a delicate situation with another couple... and a bag of narcotics. A tearful Aish had this to say to the press: "I don't know what he was thinking. He had no right to use up my stash, and I can't live with someone who disrespects that. Also, you've got to have fidelity in a relationship, and I know about fidelity. I've had a music pod for 19 years."”

09/04/2010 - Prize Varren Breeding Rights Sell for 7.3 Million Credits

“A record 7.3 million credits was paid for breeding rights to Gorefang Akosh Himon Igole Forvros, the varren who wowed judges at this year's Inter-Colony Varren Kennel-Club Show on planet Kruljaven. Gorefang is a red-striped clefnose from Tuchanka who, his trainer boasts, "has torn the heads off of a dozen armored mercs." While the judges had no way to verify this particular qualification, Gorefang is free of scars and has fine dentition. Don't rule the claim out, though -- experts say that piercing standard krogan battle armor is quite possible for a varren in top shape. Tests have recorded Gorefang's jaw exerting more than two metric tons of pressure per square centimeter. That's quite a bite!”

09/05/2010 - Jenellen Lepp Demands a Divorce Settlement From His Ex-Wife

“In a case many are calling "preposterous", socialite Aish Ashland's ex-husband Jenellen Lepp is demanding a divorce settlement from his former spouse. Legal experts say the singer has zero grounds for a settlement, if only because the marriage lasted less than a standard galactic week. Critics are calling the entire "now-they-are, now-they-aren't" fiasco a publicity stunt timed for the release of Lepp's album, "Depth of Field," which debuts next month. Aish Ashland could not be reached for comment.”

September 2010 - Week TwoEdit

09/06/2010 - "Wee-Cee" Simulstim Bug Infests Extranet

“A dangerous new bug called "Wee-Cee" ripped through several thousand public extranet terminals last night and potentially infested millions of private connections. The bug targets simulstim watchers, randomly cutting into programs with static feedback that causes headaches and even seizures in some viewers. Asked what people could do to protect themselves, Synthetic Insights senior programmer Neartanlis Ontant says, "Simple: buy and register an accredited, VI-monitored anti-virus program and keep it updated. I don't understand why people won't spend 50 credits to shield themselves when plugging stimuli directly into their brains."”

09/07/2010 - C-SEC Clamps Down on Curve Gliding Craze

C-SEC authorities are clamping down on the latest craze among extreme sport enthusiasts: "curve gliding." An idea first joked about on the popular weekly drama "The Lower Wards," curve gliding is dangerous and all too real. On the Citadel, a glider straps a power cell to a specially designed, pressurized glider suit, jumps from a high-altitude point, and follows the curve of a ward as far as possible before having to land. C-SEC officer Robert Coles said: "Not only is this activity dangerous to the glider, the chances of hitting a person or flying into traffic are significant. It's only a matter of time before someone crashes an aircar because of this." C-SEC has stepped up their vigilance in response to an incident that ended with a potential glider under arrest for attempting to scale the Citadel Tower.”

09/08/2010 - Masked Data Found in Static Produced by Wee-Cee Bug

“Panic swept the extranet as programmers studying the Wee-Cee bug discovered that the "static" it generates in simulstim programs contains masked data. Although scientists insist that the data is scrambled in a way that can't be "read" by organic minds, the simulstim industry lost hundreds of millions of credits over the weekend as downloads dropped 80 percent. Rumors have circulated that Wee-Cee is everything from a geth infiltration program to a malfunctioning rogue AI, but authorities say there is no indication that the malware is sentient. Omni-tool users who have been infected can download an adaptive system wipe-and-restore from all major extranet provider home pages.”

09/09/2010 - Arrests Made After Wee-Cee Bug Is Linked to Media Company

“Authorities have made 15 arrests so far at the offices of cross-promotional media company Shared Visions, a start-up corporation responsible for the Wee-Cee bug. Shared Visions faces the wrath of extranet providers, simulstim distributors, and omni-tool manufacturers as investigators confirmed that the bug was a failed attempt at designing a covert delivery system for subliminal advertising. The link was discovered after the malware's data was unscrambled to reveal an advertisement for "Razor Pumps," a line of athletic footwear with a Shared Visions account.”

09/10/2010 - Over 23 Million Wee-Cee Victims to Sue Shared Visions

“More than 23 million extranet users have signed up to sue Shared Visions, the company that created the notorious Wee-Cee program as part of an advertising campaign. CEO of Spyte Media Marcus D'Angelo weighed in on the subject, calling the malfunctioning malware "quaint." He added, "The last people who believed subliminal advertising was effective also thought playing music backwards could make kids kill themselves. If you can't sell something up-front, you have no business selling it at all." Shared Visions could be faced with paying up to 3.8 billion credits in damages.”

09/11/2010 - Sonax Mining Facilities Attacked by Guerillas on Garvug

“A simultaneous attack on three iridium mining facilities on Garvug has captured galactic attention tonight. The facilities, which are outside the colonial capital of Dhazil, were captured by Sonax Industries early in the planet's occupation. Krogan and vorcha guerillas first set off truck bombs to penetrate the outer fences of the heavily guarded mines before shooting personnel. Moments later, the guerillas used explosives to collapse the mouths of the mines. Casualty estimates are low because of Sonax's extensive use of robo-miners, but the move cuts off a significant income source for Sonax and the planetary government. The strike's timing is clearly no coincidence: Sonax's quarterly shareholders' meeting is tomorrow.”

09/12/2010 - Sonax Industries' Shareholder Meeting Held on Illium

“"Security" and "accountability" are the watchwords of Sonax Industries' quarterly shareholders' meeting tonight on Illium. Fearing disruptions or attacks from guerilla sympathizers, the company tried to keep the meeting location under wraps; however, hundreds of protestors found it, and fences and paramilitary forces are the only thing keeping the crowd back at this hour. The course of the war on Garvug could change tonight, as the board of directors is expected to meet shortly after the shareholders vote on company direction.”

September 2010 - Week ThreeEdit

09/13/2010 - Sonax Industries and Guanghui Solutions to Withdraw from Garvug

“The Sonax board has spoken: after six months of war on the planet Garvug, Sonax Industries' board of directors voted 6-5 to withdraw troops from the combat theater beginning in thirty galactic standard (35 Earth standard) days. To date, war casualties include 2,586 Sonax troops and 438 contract soldiers. Fielding troops and conducting the war has cost an estimated 21 billion credits, not including revenue lost from destructive acts such as the iridium mine attack just days ago. Within minutes of the announcement, Guanghui Solutions, the war's other major investor, fired off a press release saying they, too, would withdraw their troops from the planet.”

09/14/2010 - Sonax Industries' Garvug Withdrawal Decision Makes Waves

“Sonax Industries' decision to withdraw from the planet Garvug is still making waves tonight as pundits absorb the news. "The lesson here is that corporate forces can't hold a planet on their own," said Josef Kohl, GBC news contributor. "They can't face a determined enemy. Might be useful as supplemental troops or in corporate-on-corporate actions, but war is an inherently unprofitable enterprise." Julius Redstone, former adviser to President Durden, says the board did the right thing: "The army gave it all they had and couldn't destroy the guerillas' capacity to pull off large, coordinated attacks. The one-sided war that it was in the first few months would have been profitable; but as soon as that metric disappeared, they had to pull out. Iridium only sells for so much."”

09/15/2010 - "Ghost Ship" Researcher Jordan Detweiler Sighted on the Citadel

“The famed "virtual ghost ship" is back in the news today after a reported sighting of MIT exobiologist Jordan Detweiler. This follows weeks of rumors that Detweiler had embarked on a diplomatic mission into a virtual alien world that he discovered on the ship's supercomputer. It is now understood that Detweiler's body remained in a controlled coma while his consciousness explored the artificial civilization. However, multiple eyewitnesses on the Citadel claim to have seen Detweiler visiting the Presidium recently. A Council spokesperson would only say, "We do not comment on internal Citadel matters." This fueled speculation that Detweiler was indeed acting on behalf of the Council in his logins to the virtual world.”

09/16/2010 - Polls Show Many Citizens Are Ignorant of Galactic Politics

“Recent polls show that two out of five respondents can't name their Citadel Representative, and that three out of ten don't know the difference between full and associate membership on the Council. Educators and political parties are calling the polls an alarming indication of just how little the average citizen feels connected to galactic-level politics. "Even if a Council member makes a decision that trillions love," critiqued political commentator Erlan Golta, "billions will still hate it. So they take a middle road that turns their macro-level policy decisions into pure bureaucratese. A typical Council meeting produces a novel-length request for new Citadel carpeting before the issues that affect everyone else are actually discussed."”

09/17/2010 - Erlan Golta Clashes with Bryan Theodor on "Eye on the Stars"

“Political commentator Erlan Golta clashed today with Bryan Theodor, host of the popular late-night "Eye on the Stars." Golta appeared on the show to discuss his new book "Juggling the Monkeys: An Insider's View of the Tower." When Theodor accused Golta of being deliberately inflammatory in his portrayal of Council politics, Golta said "Are you kidding? I could show you signed orders drawn up to book Commander Shepard on obstruction of justice. And this is from the offices of the Councilors after the [expletive] Battle of the Citadel." Messages both condemning and applauding the controversial writer have flooded in. When asked about Golta's guest appearance, Theodor remarked "It's always a pleasure. Anytime Golta wants to be catastrophically wrong in front of millions of viewers, I'm happy to have him on."”

09/18/2010 - Krogan Rebellions-Era Mass Grave Discovered on Uresium

“In a disturbing discovery, two hikers recently found a mass grave on the planet of Uresium. Investigators have now confirmed over 430 skeletal remains of turian soldiers dating back to the Krogan Rebellions of 749 CE. Recent seismic activity on Uresium exposed the grave, which had been overgrown by local flora. Turian authorities have begun work with local colonists to ensure the integrity of the site and its remains. Chief archaeologist and historian Salur Darikun released a statement saying, "We will ensure that these sons and daughters of the Turian Hierarchy are returned home and recognized for their supreme sacrifice." Darikun hopes to begin transporting the remains to Palaven early next week, with a laying-to-rest ceremony planned for later in the month.”

09/19/2010 - Kyra Detweiler Claims Her Father Is Being Deliberately Endangered

“An unusual twist today in the case of MIT exobiologist Jordan Detweiler: acting on recent rumors that he was seen visiting the Citadel, Detweiler's daughter, Kyra, traveled to the galactic hub and demanded a meeting with him. Although she signed a confidentiality agreement, Ms. Detweiler claims she was repeatedly denied access. "They only let me see my dad after I raised hell about it," she said. "I can be prosecuted for speaking to the media, but I don't care. He's in danger. There's something wrong with him and the Council knows it." Council representatives continue to refuse comment on the matter.”

September 2010 - Week FourEdit

09/20/2010 - Kyra Detweiler Releases Statement to GBC News

“Kyra Detweiler, daughter of famed MIT exobiologist Jordan Detweiler, has released a statement to GBC News alleging the Citadel Council is covering up her father's deteriorating medical condition. "He didn't even know who I was -- his own daughter! I got five minutes to speak with him before security whisked him away. Is he sick? Is he brain-damaged?" Council representatives declined to comment on the situation, fuelling speculation that Dr. Detweiler was profoundly changed by his visit to the virtual world inside a derelict spacecraft. "Silence is a terrible answer," wrote columnist Urla Dhen. "The public doesn't know much, but it knows that anything relating to AI or synthetic life is something to fear. Refusing to comment leads us all to assume the worst."”

09/21/2010 - Council Spokesman Responds to Cover-Up Allegations

“A furor has erupted over the recent GBC News conversation with Kyra Detweiler, daughter of noted MIT exobiologist Jordan Detweiler. Ms. Detweiler alleged the Citadel Council is covering up her father's deteriorating medical condition, triggering a media backlash from all quarters of the galaxy. In response, the Council held a hastily arranged press conference to manage damage control, at which spokesman Anton Galer said: "Acting on behalf of the Council, Jordan Detweiler did indeed visit the virtual alien world he discovered. Yes, Dr. Detweiler was seen on the Presidium recently, but this was his body, not his mind. He has, for lack of a better term, 'swapped' with an alien consciousness in the virtual world. This procedure was the most stable way for their ambassador to gain access to our physical universe for diplomatic discussions." A stunned media corps quickly erupted with questions, but the Council spokesman declined further comment.”

09/22/2010 - "Galaxy of Fantasy" Expansion Released

“"Waters of Kolono," the newest expansion for "Galaxy of Fantasy," is the hottest gaming title this season with an estimated 3.14 billion downloads after yesterday's midnight release. The title is already out-grossing mega-simulstim "Nekyia Corridor," but the producers aren't flaunting that fact. "We're just pleased that both long-time fans and newcomers to the game are excited about this expansion," says lead designer Ferrus Korlick. "Players can now immerse themselves in 200 to 300 hours of new gameplay." Korlick also addressed technical difficulties with the release: "For those having some trouble logging on from Earth, we ask for your patience. We haven't fully recovered from the fire in the server stadium last night."”

  • Other stories in "Galaxy of Fantasy" Expansion Released (First - 09/22/2010 - Next - 09/28/2010)

09/23/2010 - Scientific World Still Absorbing Jordan Detweiler "Mind Swap" Revelation

“The scientific world is still absorbing the news that an ambassador from a virtual alien civilization is currently visiting the Citadel. An inside source reveals that during his travels within the virtual civilization, MIT exobiologist Jordan Detweiler agreed to allow the virtual consciousness of an Ambassador Sygan to use his body as a conduit to interact with our physical universe. It is unclear to what extent Dr. Detweiler maintains control of his body. "It's complicated," said the source. "We aren't just talking about diplomatic ties between two planets or species, but between two universes: one physical, the other virtual." The source has refused to divulge details on the nature of the virtual alien world.”

09/24/2010 - Virtual Alien Ambassador Petitions Citadel Council for Asylum

“Breaking news tonight from the Citadel, where Ambassador Sygan, the virtual alien inhabiting Dr. Jordan Detweiler's body, called an unscheduled press conference to issue the following statement: "Long ago, our people lived in your universe of physical matter. When our sun went supernova, we sought refuge in a virtual world free of needless pain and suffering, climate disasters, disease, and many other ills faced by creatures of solid flesh. Some now feel that remaining in this world after the danger had passed was a mistake. We realize that distress can sometimes provide a catalyst for evolution. We miss the turmoil of physical existence. As such, I formally petition the Citadel Council for asylum. I no longer wish to return to my former world."”

09/25/2010 - Questions Raised About Dr. Detweiler and Amb. Sygan's Fates

“After yesterday's stunning request for asylum, Ambassador Sygan has been placed in a secure wing of the Presidium while the Citadel Council deliberates its course of action. Questions have arisen about the legal, ethical, and physical implications of allowing the emissary to remain in Dr. Jordan Detweiler's body while the exobiologist's mind remains in the virtual alien world. When asked what the Council should do if the aliens were to hold Detweiler hostage, Detweiler's daughter, Kyra, said, "Pull the plug. Remind them who's really in control." The Council has already ruled out this option, citing the moral implications of of wiping out the last remnants of an entire civilization.”

09/26/2010 - Volunteers Step Forward to Swap Places with Virtual Aliens

“Deadlocked Council deliberations over the fate of Ambassador Sygan ended today with a surprising twist: the Council will grant asylum to the virtual alien emissary in the body of a volunteer, allowing famed MIT exobiologist Dr. Jordan Detweiler to return to his own body. Ambassador Sygan will transfer her consciousness into the volunteer's body, while the volunteer's consciousness is downloaded into a computer. Upon hearing this decision, some 400 individuals from various races have volunteered to "swap places" with aliens inside the virtual world who wish to re-join the physical universe. One asari volunteer regarded this as "an amazing opportunity to explore a new realm of existence," while a salarian volunteer said, "I'm doing it because I'm tired of our universe. It's a mess."”

September 2010 - Week FiveEdit

09/27/2010 - Enormous Fossil Found on Sifurman

“Geologists studying the crust of the seemingly lifeless low-gravity planet Sifurman have discovered a fossil of what may be the largest creature in the galaxy ever to walk on land. "It's the thrill of a lifetime," says Professor Orin Taul. "We theorized Sifurman used to support life, and this is proof beyond our wildest dreams." Paleontologists have already partially reconstructed the skeleton and say that this unknown giant had four legs and would weigh up to 280 tons in Earth gravity. Taul added, "We're still analyzing the data, but I suspect the creature will share structural similarities with Late Cretaceous sauropods on prehistoric Earth." Soft tissue analysis is sketchy, but it hints at the giant's secondary and tertiary "hearts" that would have pumped blood to its neck and tail.”

09/28/2010 - "Waters of Kolono" Continues to Dominate Charts

“"The Galaxy of Fantasy" expansion pack "Waters of Kolono" continues to dominate the charts, but users are complaining about long load times, lagging servers, and frequent disconnection. Many users have purchased multiple accounts to play with all new classes at once, but head of development Reta Latronus asked users to stick to single accounts during the first few days of the release. She warns that so many VI-assisted hacks running at the same time will slow the realm down to a crawl. "Our servers should be running smoothly by the end of the week," she said, "In the meantime, just find a team."”

09/29/2010 - Controversial Musician Has Meltdown During Charity Concert

“Controversial musician Gretel Batts is seeking treatment after an onstage meltdown. The latest scandal surrounding the unpredictable rocker involved her walking out on a charity concert on Earth after an obscenity-laced rant. Her band, the Dramaxeens, kept playing during the often-incomprehensible and vulgar tirade but soon dropped off when it became clear the obscenities weren't part of the lyrics. The ten-minute exchange, which heaped scorn on (among others) the Vol Protectorate, the concert's sponsor, Pope Leo XIV, and Sonax Industries, culminated in Batts throwing her guitar at the crowd and being restrained by security before she could do further harm to herself or others. Already a new turn of phrase is circulating on the extranet -- we can't repeat it here, but it starts with "Batts" and ends with "crazy."”

09/30/2010 - Protestors Clash With Security Forces on Sathur

“A protest on the human colony planet of Sathur turned ugly today as demonstrators clashed with security forces outside the Regional Governor's offices. With unemployment figures up by ten percent, planetary governor Vien Suchart has proposed a bill to devote the colony's resources toward the growing of ossilbir, a high-nutrition vine that's become an Alliance military staple. Given the 90% average humidity across most of the planet, Sathur is ideal for growing ossilbir, but protestors fear that the new plant will overrun entire continents. Many are using the almost-uninhabitable garden world of Cassilda as an example of what can go wrong when a non-native species is introduced to a new environment.”

  • Other stories in Introduction of Ossilbir Vine on Sathur (First - 09/30/2010 - Next - 01/04/2011)

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